Dear Arby's

Dear Arby's,

I will not be paying $5.01 for a combo. That is just out of the question. Five bucks, maybe. but Five and a penny OH HELL NO. I AM NOT PUTTING THE EXTRA PENNY ON MY DEBIT CARD nor am I going to search my car for a penny, should I be paying for cash.

I dont really think this coupon is all that ridiculous. I mean, it's saving you the hassle of finding a penny, and dealing with the 99 extra cents BofA takes out of yoru account for spending a penny.

ALSO, It's not even going to be a penny, because of taxes. SO DON'T TRY TO PULL THE WOOL OVER MY EYES, YOU DIRTY, GRAY-MEAT SANDWICH MAKIN THIEVES.

Just in case you didn't know...

Oscar Wilde's Importance of Being Earnest IS supposed to be funny. It'd be nice if we heard

some people laugh tonight...

please and thank you.

Just realized...

While watching Glee on my computer, I met the person who previously used my bed.






















"Larry" apparently felt it necessary to carve his name into the footboard of my bed. New high? New low? I don't know either, but judging by his handwriting he wasn't very smart. And he obviously wants me to believe that he is somewhat important. Or perhaps thats exactly what he wants me to think and in all actuality Larry is just a loser. That's what I'm sticking with.

Somewhere out there, a person named Larry is a loser.

Regina

Here's the deal. My cell phone's battery only lasts about 13 hours while I'm roaming. I'm assuming that since I'm in a roaming area (outside of the Savannah-Alltell line) My battery spends all of its energy displaying that stupid little flashing triangle at the top of my phone's screen and trying to find a signal. God help me if I want to text someone past 9:30 PM, because mid-text it will just die on me.

Well, today was an exception to common law, because it's lasted until now. But there's one issue:
My phone is on lock, therefore the screen is blank. HOWEVER, The phone insists on lighting itself up to tell me that my battery is dead. Don't you think that's a little anti-power-saving? I mean, the little battery juice that is left could be doing something uself, like letting me text someone, call someone or just play with it. But no, it demands that it uses the last dit of its life to flash every thirty seconds to tell me that it's dying. Talk about going out like a bat out of hell. This thing is determined for me to plug it into a power source! But no, Regina. (That's my phone's new name, because she's a bitch. And it sounds bitchy, right?) Well, NO Regina. I shall deprive you of any source or power whatsoever. Mainly as punishment for making me think I have a text message every time you light up.

HA, Regina.....HA.


::EDIT::

Regina died at 11:42 PM, just before this was posted. Now I shall resurrect her with the pwoer of electricity! (Frankenstein-esque, isn't it?! This phenomena should be a witty blog post in and of itself!!

Do you know what I hate with an undying, fiery, burning passion?

Stupid People.

I mean, there's only so much I can take. I understand that some people are under the influence of mental illness, if there is such an influence in that instance, but stupid people in general just.... really bother me.

I hate it when they try to argue, too. Mainly because the point that they try to prove has NOTHING to do with the general topic WHATSOEVER, and is completely irrelevent to the conversation. (I.E. person 1:I dont like converse tennis shoes person 2 (stupid): I love them, because the rainforest is being cut down by power hungry paper plants. So there.) The best part about this fact reguarding stupid people? They definately think that what they're saying is winnign their battle, when you know that person one in the above situation is saying "what the..? This guy's stupid!" And person 2 is going "yeah... stumped him on his own argument. . . I want some pudding"

I also have a general distaste for stupid people that think they aren't stupid. If anything, this is the worst case of stupidity. The affected (or infected, whichever you choose) is under the firm impression that they are smarter than the person around them. (I.E. [inner monologue, stupid person] "Those people who stick up for what they believe in are stupid, because everyone totally knows that the result of the end of this dispute will only hurt those that aren't involved.")


... Am I right, or am I right...

Have you ever had one of those moments when your thoughts in your head are too loud? Earlier this evening, I took a quick nap between loads of laundry, and I woke up and my mind was racing. I don't mean like "so many things to do oh Golly Gee" I mean Indy 500, holy crap there's a Miley Cyrus song playing along with Harry Potter story lines along with the conscious thoughft that both of these were simultaneously going through my head. It was insane. Needless to say, my thoughts just got louder and louder until it was ridiculously unbearable. I had to stop dead in my tracks. Verbally tell myself to stifle, imagine the sound of a record getting stopped, and clear my head.

So, have you ever had that happen?

Yeah, me neither.



In other news, Miley Cyrus has a new single out. It's called "Party in the U.S.A." and it is catchy as all GET OUT. I know I got it off limewire. No I did not, yes I did scrambled eggs and toast Harry Potter horcruxes. SHUT UP BRAIN!!! (record screeching, sigh of relief)

I have this new theory...

I have this new theory that everyone I know has magical powers like Harry Potter, and I joke about having them and everyone I know just sits back and laughs haughtily and syas to themself "silly mortal" and continues their magic-filled day, while I dwell in dreams of having magical powers and a wand, and flying on a brookstick and having a british accent.


sigh.

I've come to the recent conclusion...

...that if my life were a movie, and Matthew Perry played the main character of, well, me?

That would be one awesome movie. And that's a compliment to both myself and Matthew Perry.

Till this movie's script is finished, it will go under the discreet, utterly bogus and misleading title of: "Untitled Matthew Perry/Johnny Hohenstein Project"

Why...

Why must American companies feel the need to have people with British accents narrate their commercials? Is it a feeble attempt at catching my attention? Well, here's what I think when I see these commercials:

Hmm, I wonder if that guy/girl's accent is real, or if it's just some lame ass like me who tries to pretend that they have a British accent... Mental note: never buy this product.

So, you see Crest? I'm not buying your toothpaste anymore. Get a non-lame-ass narrator to do your commercials.

-Word to ya motha'

....Bueller?

I came the the conclusion today that Ferris Bueller's Day Off is awesome beyond words.

*EDIT*

I also came to the conclusion that I hate that little beast Macaullay Culkin, or however the hell you spell his ridiculous name.

Nickelodeon

Dear Nickelodeon,

I was going to write you you an intense letter about how your shows are stupid and how not even my 10 year old cousin thinks they are good shows. You see, I happened to misplace my remote this afternoon and a certain child's sitcom called "iCarly" was on. And it annoyed me greatly to see this terrible show with so many one liners and terrible morals on NICKELODEON. I mean, This 12 year old girl is KISSING a 15 year old boy! What are you trying to teach the youth of the world? I'll tell you what you're trying to teach them - immorality and sin, and you don't even throw in some kid-friendly pregnancy awareness. So, I was watching this terrible show when said 15 year old boy TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF, followed the the audience's 'tween' girls "ooh"ing and "aaahhh"ing. It was VERY inappropriate.

Then, later on in the episode, it is discovered by the young ingenue that her male love interest was addicted to collecting Beanie Baby-like stuffed animals. I giggled several times, and I figured that this letter was unnecessary.

You cheeky monkeys: Safari park baboons ransack cars after learning to break into luggage boxes

From Mailonline.uk....

A group of tearaway baboons are wreaking havoc on a safari park after learning to crack open rooftop luggage boxes and escaping with visitors' goods.
Keepers at Knowsley Safari Park have been forced to issue warnings after the opportunistic primates developed a taste for human possessions.
The cheeky monkeys - who are known for tearing off the odd wiper or wing mirror - have been targeting cars carrying the roof boxes before pouncing on the unsuspecting visitors, who are forced to watch helplessly as their things disappear.

Staff at Knowsley Safari Park demonstrate why visitors should not enter the baboon enclosure with roof boxes as the cheeky primates have learned to open them and run away with the goods
Now bosses at the Merseyside park have slapped the artful animals with what they call 'Anti Social Baboon Orders' and have warned visitors not to travel through the infamous monkey jungle with luggage on their roof.
With the holiday season in full swing, people are now being urged to watch the 140 baboons at play from the safety of the car-friendly route, around the outside of the baboon enclosure.
Safari Park general manager, David Ross, said when the first luggage box was broken into, staff didn't really take much notice as they thought it was a one-off incident.
But they soon realised they had a problem on their hands when visitors reported the pesky primates kept stealing their things.

The baboons have discovered a knack for opening the luggage boxes, forcing staff to warn visitors against entering the enclosure with the roof-top devices

See no evil: Trying on a new hat for size
'Their technique involves the largest baboons jumping up and down on the box, flexing it until the lock bursts open, then the rest of the baboons pile in to see what they can find,' Mr Ross said.
'Obviously, we're well used to them helping themselves to the odd wing mirror or wiper blade, but this has taken things to a whole new level.
'Let's face it, nobody wants to see a baboon running up a tree with their underwear.'
But Mr Ross said some visitors continued to ignore the warnings and paid a high price, with staff forced to re-enact the scenario for park guests so they could see the effect for themselves.
'Unfortunately though, we still get drivers who don't think it will happen to them and they decide to take a chance,' he said.
'That's why we recently staged a demonstration to show the reality of the risks drivers face.
'The baboons were into the luggage box on our car within minutes and absolute mayhem ensued.
'We will now be able to show photographs of this incident to visitors with cargo boxes who may be thinking of playing "Russian roulette" in the monkey jungle.'
There are currently more than 140 baboons at Knowsley Safari Park and visitor surveys consistently show them to be the attraction's most popular exhibit. Read/See more:http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1200917/Clever-baboons-cause-safari-park-chaos-learning-break-luggage-boxes.html#ixzz0LrJnIhR7

Favorite things about this story:

1. Baby monkeys
2. Woman's 'surprised' look in photo 1.
3. The fact that they planted a blow-up monkey for the monkeys to find.

Pretzels

A friend and I had this conversation last night...

If the main ingredients in pretzels are the same ingredients in bread, can I just take bread and toast in for a really long time and make a pretzel? No. The answer is no, because toast just burns. Situation made even more complicated? I think so.

Ok, I'm all for Remus being a loving dog, but come on.

If Great Danes were meant to be lap dogs, they wouldn't crush the air out of you when they tried to cuddle.

Bonanza = That's what she said / Up Your's HP!

So, my computer screen hinge, as several of you may know, has been ghetto for a while now. It would occasionally come unhinged from the base of my laptop. And when I say occasionally I mean about 2 to 3 times a week. I would hav to unscrew a bunch of apparattii (?)... fine, crap and take the cover off of my computer and screw it back in.

Well, last night it came unhinged and I did the usual procedure to find that I could no longer screw the bugger in and have it stay put. The threads of the hole and stripped (Bonanza!) So today I had this laptop with a screen that was all lop-sided. So I go to trusty ole' Ace Hardware and find a screw a little longer than the one that decided not to be big enough to go in the hole (bonanza.)

And I did so and VOILA! It works better than before! Pretty sure I heard a little cracking action goin on when I screwed the longer screw in there. Hope that doesn't give me problems later... hm.

So, today my thought when I finished screwing my screen back on was:

Up yours, HP I can save $300 bucks and screw my OWN computer!

(Bonanza)

I thought about this a few days ago, but due to the whole "I only want to post one thought a day" thing, I decided to wait and I want to 'blog' it before I forget about it.

I want to get in a verbal fight with someone so badly just so I can use the phrase:
"I do anything I damned well please!!!"

It just popped into my head the other day, that phrase, and I haven't been able to get it out of there... I'm convinced it's going to take a verbal expulsion to get rid of it... any takers?

Dubble Bubble Shelves

Another year older, ahhh I feel exactly the same.

This evening I was in the check out line at Wal-Mart and picked up a magazine (The Globe) that allegedly had pictures of Michael Jackson while he was dying (no kidding.) I was highly disappointed to see a Connie Chung-esque actress dressed in a powder-blue set of pajamas in a three-framed story line. 1) Connie injects a shot into her thigh with hair covering face 2) Miss Jackson (ooh, I am for real) grasps chest with head turned away from camera and 3) 'Michael' lays sprawled out on silky bed. Dead. Mind you all these shots were taken from the same angle and all were exactly the same except the latter, which had a sliver of a black man and his hand outstretch to the manorexic actress. You could just make out the staged-shock on the left side of the face of the care taker character.

When I went to go put this trash back, I was too lazy to put it back in it's propper rack, so I decided to throw it on top of a rather large stock of buckets of Dubble Bubble. I was rather shocked, if not outraged to see that dozens of other people had done the same thing with several other magazines from the same rack. And this is where I had my thought for the evening of July 10th, 2009:

I felt so bad for those buckets of Dubble Bubble. Instead of being exploited for being incredible chewy, delicious and long-lasting they were being used as a magazine rack. "Neigh," a magazine piler-upper. For people like me who were too lazy to put their magazine/poparazzi trash back in the right place. It just... kinda made me sad they went so under appreciated and used. But alas, I did nothing.

--EDIT--

I also saw a good friend today at Panera Bread. We enjoyed a Strawberry Poppyseed Salad together, and I introduced her to my friend Sarah. She wasn't very chatty though.

Random Though Numero Uno. 7/9/2009

My name is Johnny Hohenstein (pronounced Ho-en-stein, hope you know your German) and I am a Witty Blog Enthusiast. This means that in the time it takes you to read this blog, I will have written a blog that is completely witty in less than thirty minutes. I believe that my thoughts are random and, alas, witty enough to be written down into a blog-like form. I had this random thought just now, and well HERE I AM (throws open a curtain). I intend on having a title for this blog that is equally as witty. I'm thinking:

-I feel Witty, Oh so Witty
-Soemthing Witty This Way Comes
-At Wit's End.

Random thought number one: ( a monumental occasion)

Why would I want to buy Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, when I can buy Apple Jacks. They're colored, and had a much catchier commercial back in the 90's.