So, as a new member in the ranks of the "functioning members of society" aka "The Employed," I am naturally in the need for a lace to live. A lair. A nest. An apartment. A chamber of sorts. So where do I turn in my time of need? Some random place I've never heard of that might, in fact, not even exist. And here's the almost semi-human phone conversation that I had at 11:15 PM.
Thinking that I'm about to leave a message at the front desk of a leasing office for these apartments, I dial the number. I figure "Hey. I'll leave a message, they'll call me tomorrow, bada bing I'll go visit, get a pamphlet and a cookie or two, be on my way." What I got were perfect materials for a blog post.
(phone rings)
Computer voice: thank you for calling Blankety Blank apartments! This call may be recorded for quality service purposes. Please hold....... If you are a prospective renter and would like information about leasing one of our apartments in (voice changes to recorded hick voice) "Charlitt, North Kare-lynuh" please press one now
(laughing out loud, I press 1)
The voice continues: this call may be recorded for quality service purposes
Me: yes yes I know, you said that.
Little girl/childish voice: I'm sorry sir?
Me: holy crap!
Girl: yes, thank you for calling Blankity Black Apt Homes, how can I help you.
(the girl sounds like she's either scared, making a prank call, or maybe she even answered a random phone booth on the street corner.)
Me, completely thrown off guard by a human voice: Well, I'd like to receive some more information about your apartments in Charlotte.
Girl: ok, like what?
Ok, stop right there. Freeze. In what universe does someone respond to a customer service call with "like what.." at least go into some memorized rant that you shoot out to all of your callers. But this girl literally sounds like she had never picked up a phone before.
Me, reluctantly: um, ok... Well first off, is the amenity fee blah blah blah blah(lots of details about the apartment that I saw on a renting website)
Girl: let me ... Look ... That.... Up.... I don't know.
Me: (wtf?) OK, well I noticed online (more minute details about the apartment location, amenities, etc)
Girl: let me look...that...up.... Yeah, I'm not sure.
Freeze. Is this chick googling crap for me? Listen, I could've done that... In fact that's how I found this number....
Me: OK, well can I get the office hours so I can drop by sometime tomorrow and take a tour or look at a model apt?
Girl: ok let me look up our... Houurrrss....
Freeze again. W.T.F is going on... You don't know what time the office in which you currently work is even open during the day!? Clearly it's open at night for God only knows WHAT reason, but you can't even take a gamble and just say "9 to 5?" I'm no certified genius, but I'm fairly positive that those hours have been the official American work hours for like...oh....50, 60 years? Gah. Spare me
Me: So they have you working during unusual hours and just keep secrets from you like normal operating hours for the front office?
Girl: um... I'm in the front office?
Me (I give up): cool...
Girl: anyway, yeah we don't take tours.
Stop.... I'm sorry, you don't take TOURS?! What do you mean you don't take tours. I'm pretty sure that if someone wants to see an apartment that you're trying to lease, you would probably show it to them
Me: is this a new complex that's under construction or something? And there aren't any completed apartments, so there's nothing to see yet?
Girl: Well, I don't really knooowwww... Oh! Wait, yep it says here not open til January of 2013, and it's still 2012, so....
There's a pause. I'm trying to comprehend why this drone of a human being A) doesn't know what year the apt complex she works for even OPENS and B) why she feels the need to tell me what year it is. I'm pretty sure that she's on the other end thinking that I'm flabbergasted by finding out that is, indeed, 2012 AD. She ingeniously picks up the conversation.
Girl: So what do you want to do? More questions?
Me: No, I'd actually like to discuss this 2012 information, I'm dumbstruck.
Girl: Yes, sir. It's September.
Me: oh my God....
Girl: So...
Me: ok, Nevermind. I'll send in an email to this contact information online and see if I can get an online brochure.
Girl: OK! Well can I get your information?
(I give her my information)
Girl: ok thanks, have a good night! Bye!
(she hangs up)
Thoroughly confused by what just happened, I fill out the information online to receive more info. Frankly because I'm not really sure how well this girl could have taken down my information in her Lisa Frank notebook, and also because I'm just curious to see if this place is real or if it's the NeverLand of apartment complexes. I half expected to get directions that said "second star on the right and straight on til morning." to which I would have replied "Um, no sir. Last time people from this world visited that place, they got shot at by pirates. And I don't have the time; I just started a new job and frankly... Just... No."
A few minutes later, not only do I get one email from this complex, but I get two. One with correct information and a second one, clearly dictated by after-hours front desk Girl, that misspelled my names in at least 7 different ways.
Both emails contained the same information, all of which I found the first time I found the complex online. I followed the link to the property's official website, and I was greeted wit a very brief yet informative message:
THIS WEBSITE IS CURRENTLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION. A NEW SITE IS ON ITS WAY!
Verdict? Still not sure if this place exists, and I'm wondering how badly I pronounce name over the phone for people to have the chance to misspell it so badly.
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