Wafts of Wet Dog and Bounce Dryer Sheets

For those of you who take regular Education classes at Belmont Abbey College, you may eventually encounter the Computer Lab on the first floor of Sacred Heart's main academic building.

Not only is this the creepiest hallway I've ever walked down in my life, but the people inside this dungeon of a computer room were extremely frustrated about something. . . .

and it also smells of wet dog and "Bounce" dryer sheets. . .

After I put my things down and began working on a project that was due in 15 minutes, I realized that the women in front of me (around 35 to 40 years of age) were both working in Microsoft Excel, and that the man behind me was their instructor. I was sitting in on an ADP [Adult Degree Program] computer class on how to use Excel. I was beyond terrified.

Every five minutes or so, these seemingly innocent women would let out terrifying grunts at the computer and yelling things like "MERGE!" and "DEAR-LORD-JESUS!" and every now and then the usual "WWRRAAGGGHHHHH!!!" of inevitable frustration.

I sank a little in my chair and continued my work, fearing that if the women behind me discovered that I'm computer literate or that I can type at about 90 WPM -- or if I breathed too loudly -- these women would tear me to bits.

Not too long after I slouched, I had to sneeze.

Yes. a sneeze.

Almost immediately, the three women in front of me turned around in a frenzy and yelled.

Yes, people. YELLED. "GOD BLESS YOU."

God bless.